i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
