My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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