JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
