Apparently you make a good broom.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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