I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
