were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
