i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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