At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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