you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
