I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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