I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
