Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
