last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this is an emotional support booty call
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
