Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"