Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.