you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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