you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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