Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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