he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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