So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
