this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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