the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
