He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
