If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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