do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
