Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You took a bar mat shot.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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