I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
