I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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