How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
