The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is wine microwaveable?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize