good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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