My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
