oh god the rape fog is back!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
