he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
