have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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