Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
