would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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