she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just invented taco cereal.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Randomize
