I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
