Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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