Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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