Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
