I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
