Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
