I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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