I love black thongs
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
