and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
