Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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