ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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