yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
