drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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