I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
