how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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