I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
