She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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