If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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