Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
