I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
