I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
