An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
