At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
