Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
