I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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