what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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