i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
