chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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