hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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