i don't like sucking hair
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
