I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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