She announced her abortion via fbk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
