u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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