"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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