Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
