The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
