Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
