but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
