Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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